Streets of Bakersfield

I felt like I've been put through the wringer the past couple days. I am going through a time where I really need someone to talk to but feel like there is no one. Recently someone who I normally go to vent betrayed my confidence so I'm feeling a little lost. Sometimes you just need to vent without someone judging you, giving advice or belittling your problems.

I have been staying positive as of late about my job situation (or lack of a job situation). I think my positivity is wearing thin. I can't stand being in this stupid house anymore waiting, hoping a school will call me to substitute. Before I moved here I was told that September would be slow but I would be in high demand. There has nearly been 2 months of school and I have only had half a day of sub work. I am on the list for more than 25 schools. There was a science and math conference last week and I didn't even get a call in for that. Usually they need lots of subs for those days. I think I need to be harassing the city school division again as to when they will be interviewing. Beyond that I do not know what to do.

People are stupid. I want to move to the Yukon and become a hermit. I was ready to hop in my car last night and disappear forever.

I am feeling a little caught in the middle right now between two friends. Both friends with me but not with each other. They completely opposite views with each other with no hope of changing their minds. They are both exceedingly stubborn. I don't agree with either of them entirely and I don't want to get involved. The problem is one of them put a spin on something that I said in their on going battle. Then one person told another, then they told someone else and so on. This "information" gets back to my other friend and now I sound like a jerk. They are being so petty and immature. I want to tell them both to grow up but that I know that won't help things at all.

I also am feeling under appreciated. It is very wearing when all you hear from people what you are doing wrong. Last night I remembered my grade 9 art class where this same boy told our teacher he couldn't draw so he wasn't even going to try. She told him he probably used to love to draw when he was little until someone told him he wasn't doing it right or made fun of him. She encouraged him he did have the ability but just lack the training. That is what she was here for. I thought to myself last night how many times in my life have I given up thinking I can't do something because of the criticism of another? Lately I have felt like it is better to do nothing at all than risk being criticized. I am really good at doing not much of anything. They didn't call me Captain Procrastination in high school for nothing. ;) Last night I decided I need to take the high road. I can't change others, only myself. The critical nature of others is making me see what I do not want to be like. Starting today I am going to criticize less and compliment more. Let's call this the first step to my new positive attitude. Hope it lasts.