Have you seen my silliness? I think I lost it.

The last two days I have been in a funk that I just can't seem to shake*. It started when I got back my computer science midterm. I lost about 17% due to careless errors and not reading the directions properly -- nothing to do with what I do or do not know. I didn't do poorly but it was the difference between an OK mark and an excellent mark. I have to step it up even more to reach my goals. It seems daunting right now but all I can do is improve my work habits one at a time. Sigh.

Yesterday my former faculty adviser emailed me to see how the semester was going. How can I tell him that I know how to learn, I know how to study, I know how to write a test, I know how to achieve the needed higher levels of thinking but I just can't pull it together to make it happen? Translating theory into practice. I've spent years transforming the work habits of students and can't transform my own. Being an above average student isn't enough.

I was feeling a little better this morning like "Hey, I have problems but I can tackle them." I received back an assignment this morning and I lost 10 marks out of a possible 50 because I forgot to include the last page. As the professor handed it to me, he looked at me like "What happened?"** I was in his office last week to ask him questions and he knew I was done. He is the kind of professor that takes his student's results kind of personally. It absolutely breaks my heart to think I disappointed him. OK, maybe not disappoint him but the frustration of a student who's mark does not reflect the ability.***

I'm supposed to go to my physic lab instructor's office to pick up my notebook so I can prepare for this afternoon's lab. I'm filled with dread -- I don't even want to know how I did. I think I did well but I'm not prepared for disappointment.

For disclosure, things that did not help the situation:
- I left my lights on yesterday and my battery died. Why do I only seem to need to call CAA during the winter?
- Bron's post
- etcetera, etcetera, etcetera

* The Project Runway finale didn't even help.
**My interpretation but I know him well enough that it won't be far from the truth.
*** Of course, I think he overestimates my ability since he has a slight bias towards me.