Vanity, Thy Name is Woman*

I have this problem where when my finger nails are long I become so vain it becomes a serious distraction. Right now my nails are the longest they have ever been and this past weekend I gave myself a french manicure. It is the best job I have ever done. My nails are so pretty! Serious distraction time. I pretend to listen to what people are saying but I'm really thinking "I wonder if they've noticed my nails?" Sometimes I catch a glimpse of them and I can't stop staring.

Years ago I was at a convenience store, trying to navigate the aisles. I put my hand on a young man's back as I said "Excuse me". Just then I got distracted by my nails and my hand lingered on his back a little too long. I think I gave him the wrong idea. I need to write a book "She Just Not That Into You -- She's Just Vain About Her Nails".

*This is not the first time I've modified this quote. My football coach of a Grade 12 English teacher was very amused by the discovery that I had anonymously left "Stupidity, thy name is man" on the chalkboard across the hall.
Other considered titles: "I'm So Vain, I Know this Song is About Me"; "Vanity, Vanity, All is Vanity"; "Ecclesiastical Dilemma".

Right now my mom is shaking her head and rolling her eyes (possibly saying "Oh brother"). And yes, I do realize how late it is.