I've had sort of a sad day. I sort of started on Monday and has continued to today. I'm tired of having to worry about not working and having no money. I have been beyond patient what for my fortunes to change.
I have also been a little frustrated with some of the friendships in my life. This actually goes back a couple years. One of my best friends suddenly would take a long time to return my calls. Then she wouldn't return them at all. I found out from running into her mom one time that she had moved. I have had other friends where I feel like I am making all the effort to stay in touch. I feel like I do not have any close friends any more. I want to feel like I am important to someone. Even during the busy times, they are thinking about how I am doing. I am going through such a hard time personally right now, I feel like I really need those friends. There are things in my life I feel like I have no one to talk to.
A while ago I had complained about this very thing to a friend. Shortly after I started receiving emails from people I had not heard from in a long time. I literally received 6 in one day. This was very suspicious. My friend admitted that she had sent a mass email telling people I was going through a rough time and encouraged them to write me. That was very sweet of her. I was diligent to write everyone back. Slowly over time, these same people stopped making the effort to email me back. This made me feel worse than before like they only sent the emails out of sympathy. Kind of like people who volunteer at soup kitchens only during the holidays. "I've done my good deed now I can go back to spending time on what is truly matters to me."
It makes me sick sometimes to think of how many people I was there for when they needed me. Now when I need them, they are no where to be found.
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